I recently turned 40 and it sure felt different. Life had shifted into a space where I could pause, take stock, and see patterns more clearly. Over the past two decades, I’ve had the privilege of working with leaders, visionaries, and change-makers across industries and continents. Through these experiences, I’ve distilled a handful of truths — not as rigid rules, but as guiding principles that continue to show up.
To celebrate the milestone, I chose to reflect — not just on my life, but on the lessons that shaped years of coaching leaders, realigning high performers, and challenging organisations to raise their standards. That reflection became ‘40 Lessons at 40’, a workshop where I share the most impactful insights I’ve gathered over more than 15 years, distilled into practical, actionable strategies for leaders at every stage.
In a world built to distract, my priority is always clear intention. To find the truth, we have to look beneath the surface. ‘40 Lessons at 40’ draws from the insights, challenges, behaviours, and growth I’ve seen first-hand across industries and continents. The faces change, but the lessons don’t.
A few of the key takeaways:
- Self-Awareness Is the Ultimate Advantage
Most people focus on fixing external problems, but the real leverage point is always internal. Awareness isn’t a soft skill — it’s the most powerful tool in leadership. When you truly know yourself, you trust yourself. And when you trust yourself, your decision-making sharpens, execution accelerates, and confidence becomes quiet and unshakable. - Truth Over Comfort
One of the most transformational lessons I’ve learned is this: a hard truth will move you forward faster than a convenient lie. Leaders who choose clarity over confusion, honesty over image, and feedback over ego are the ones who build sustainable success. Always tell yourself the truth — especially when it’s uncomfortable. Your growth depends on it. - Visionaries Move First and See Further
Visionaries say yes before all the evidence is in. They’re not reckless — they just know what they’re capable of. I coach my clients to be vision-led, not reality-bound. It’s about creating urgency, asking better questions, and acting from clarity. Visionaries ask more questions, make fewer assumptions, and that changes everything inside an organisation. - Lead Yourself First
The first person you must lead is yourself — your identity, your calendar, your choices. High performers don’t compromise their standards. They work in seasons: short, focused sprints with clear intention. They replenish energy, stay connected to purpose, and design a rhythm that fuels performance. - Relationships Run on Alignment
Great relationships don’t just happen; they’re built on Values, Character, and Vision (VCV). If those aren’t aligned, miscommunication, mistrust, and breakdowns follow. Whether you’re leading a team or building a family, your relationships rise or fall based on those three elements. - They Don’t Wait for Permission
One of my non-negotiables of exceptional leadership is this: you can’t wait to be knighted as a leader. You must move first. High performers act from clarity and certainty — not recklessness, but a refusal to stand still and wait. Waiting is not a strategy.
After 20 years in rooms with world-class performers, I can tell you this: the most important work you can do is on yourself and your team. Investing in mindset and skill development is a true game-changer for any business.
A Few More Quick-Fire Lessons from 40 at 40:
- You don’t know what you don’t know. Stay open. Stay curious. Keep a beginner’s mindset.
- Not everything you believe is true. Challenge your thinking. Question your beliefs.
- Self-exploration sets you free. You can’t lead if you don’t know who you are and what drives you.
- Visionaries say yes first, then figure it out. Realists wait for perfection that never comes.
- Communication and imagination are the highest forms of value creation. Don’t get stuck in “work mode” — get into creative mode and create leverage.
- Make decisions from love, not fear.
- Truth is always the right strategy, even when it’s uncomfortable.
- Work in focused, high-intention seasons, not lukewarm years.
- Don’t just learn for knowledge; let learning change your behaviour.
- Your job should be a vehicle for expression.
- Leverage and urgency should be priorities for health, fitness, and business.
- High-value conversations can open doors you could never open alone.
- Be interested before you try to be interesting.
- Sales is something you do for people, not to people.
- The secret to greatness is service.
- Sometimes belief comes after action — don’t wait for belief to start. Let belief catch up.
If you take one thing from 40 Lessons at 40, let it be this: stay a student of yourself. Keep learning. Keep applying. Question everything. Let go of what’s not working, and put your energy into what moves the needle. Don’t wait for permission. Move. Lead. Decide. Your future, your team, and your results are waiting for your clarity — and clarity begins with the courage to look within and change what’s not working.
And while leadership is a personal journey, it doesn’t have to be walked alone. Coaching matters — not because leaders are weak, but because they’re smart enough to know they can’t see everything. Mentorship provides the mirror: shifting perspective, showing blind spots, and holding you to your highest standard when the pressure is on.
Having a strategic coach isn’t a compromise — it’s a competitive edge. It’s how you protect your clarity, multiply execution, and stay aligned when everyone else is distracted.
About the Author
Aidan O’Brien is a globally recognised strategic advisor, executive mentor, and keynote speaker whose work has impacted nearly one million people worldwide. Over his 15-year career, he has guided Fortune 500 companies, billion-dollar direct sales firms, and high-growth startups across five continents, helping leaders and teams unlock performance, align strategy with mindset, and achieve sustainable success.
